


Ten Alternate Universes - Rincewind

by DaibhidC



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett, Star Trek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cyberpunk, Alternate Universe - Firefighters, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Alternate Universe - School, Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Alternate Universe - Space, Alternate Universe - Steampunk, Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Western, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2019-01-17 18:01:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12371064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaibhidC/pseuds/DaibhidC
Summary: The challenge: "Give me a character/pairing and I will write snippets of ten different alternate universes for it."The universes: Wild West, Cyberpunk, Shapeshifters, Pirates, ...In SPACE!!, Born Another Gender, Schoolfic, Police/Firefighters, Urban Fantasy, SteampunkThe character: Rincewind





	Ten Alternate Universes - Rincewind

**Wild West**

“Well, now, stranger,” drawled “Red” Ipslore, “You got ‘til sundown to get out of town or else…”

The stranger was out of the saloon and half way down Main Street before Ipslore could finish the sentence. In fact, he’d probably have started moving before Ipslore had _started_ the sentence, if he hadn’t paused to grab the absurd ten-gallon hat with COWWBOY stencilled on it.

 

**Cyberpunk**

DekkWizzard7a might not have been the most skilled netrunner in the Sprawl, and he definitely wasn’t the bravest, but at least he was lucky enough to live in a time and place that thought misspellings were cool. Sorry, kewl.

 

**Shapeshifters**

In the end, Rincewind decided, the only thing you could do was consult an expert. In this case, Captain Angua of the Watch.

“Lycanthropy’s more complicated than people think,” she explained, “It’s all down to – what do you wizards call them – morphic fields?”

“I didn’t know that,” admitted Rincewind, “I thought if you got bitten by a werewolf, you turned into a wolf, simple as that.”

“But you don’t _think_ like a wolf. In fact, it’d be hard to find someone who thinks _less_ like a wolf. So your morphic field won’t let you become a wolf.”

“And that’s why, every full moon since the incident, I turn into a hare?”

“Of course. A hare basically packs as much speed as possible into its frame in order to escape from predators. Can you think of anything more appropriate?”

He had to admit he couldn’t.

 

**Pirates**

“Captain Rincewind is one of the cleverest sailors I’ve ever met,” said Twoflower.

Captain Herrena looked at the hostage tied to the mast of the _Harridan_ as though she, personally, doubted this. Her own encounter with the master of the _Sea Wizzard_ had not suggested the man possessed any intelligence at all.

“Oh, yes. He’s a master at rigging the sails to move as quickly as possible in whatever direction he wants. Although,” Twoflower frowned slightly, “It’s never the direction I’d _expect_ a pirate captain to go in.”

 

**…In SPACE!!**

“Captain,” the communications officer of the Klingon vessel reported, “We are receiving a communication from the unidentified vessel. It appears to be in Federation Standard.”

“The Federation? Are they challenging us? Is it,” the captain’s face twisted in distaste, “a _surrender_?”

“I’m not sure. According to the universal translator, it’s a looped message that says ‘Oh excrement, oh excrement, oh excrement, I am about to die.’”

The captain’s expression of disgust deepened. “Send a reply and let them know that today is a good day for it.”

 

**Born Another Gender**

“You see, Miss Rincewind, you’ve put us in a very difficult position.”

“Yes, Archchancellor,” mumbled Rincewind.

“I’m not saying you’re the first girl to enter Unseen University under a false beard. It’s not something we approve of, but we’ve been known to look the other way.”

“Really, Archchancellor?”

The Archchancellor sighed. “The trouble is that, up until now, they’ve all had _some_ kind of magical ability. You’re the first girl we’ve had whose presence actually _supports_ the principle that women can’t be wizards.”

 

**Schoolfic**

“So you volunteered to show me round the school?” asked the exchange student.

“Yes,” said Rincewind doubtfully. He didn’t _remember_ volunteering, but the headmaster seemed to think he had, and you didn’t argue with Mr Vetinari. Anyway, it got him out of PE, so that was something. Mr Cohen wasn’t a _bad_ teacher, but he did seem to have difficulty understanding that rugby wasn’t something Rincewind would ever be good at. He’d be in the PE teacher’s bad books permanently if he wasn’t so good at track events.

In any case, he was apparently looking after this Twoflower kid. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be showing him. The best hiding places from the school bullies (which, in Rincewind’s mind, was just about everyone) maybe?

 

**Police/Firefighters**

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” said Crew Manager Ridcully, “but I’ve never understood why a terrible coward would decide to become a fireman in the first place.”

“Are you serious?” Rincewind asked, “If a fire breaks out, I’m in special clothing, a helmet, carrying a hose, and surrounded by highly trained professional firefighters! I’d be mad _not_ to be a fireman!”

“There’s logic there,” Ridcully admitted, “Of a sort.”

 

**Urban Fantasy**

“You see,” the strange man with the ragged beard and the trenchcoat explained, “The world you are familiar with is but a skin. Stranger things than you can imagine lurk beneath it. All the folklore and fairy tales you’ve heard are true. I myself,” he coughed slightly, “am a wizard.”

The person he was talking to was sceptical, but her recent experiences, coupled with the intensity of the man’s manner, had her almost believing. “Could you … show me some magic?”

“Well, no. Not as such. But just because I can’t do magic, that doesn’t mean I’m not a wizard!”

“Right, fine. Look, here’s a fiver, get yourself a meal or something.” And she walked off muttering “‘This world is but a skin’, indeed!”

“There are times,” Rincewind commented to the figure beside him, who the woman hadn’t seen at all, “when I wonder if I’m entirely the best person for this role.”

PERHAPS NOT, agreed his companion.

 

**Steampunk**

“But I don’t understand, Mr Rincewind,” said Thursley. “Why did we have to book passage on this vessel so quickly?”

Rincewind looked up from the large brandy he’d ordered in the zeppelin’s lounge. “Because of the men with guns,” he said, patiently, “And the men with swords. And the men with big steam-powered walking machines. With guns. And swords, which to my mind is rather overkill.” He winced at his own choice of words.

“You don’t think we could, perhaps, have explained things to them?”

“Of course. We shall do so by telegram. From somewhere else.”


End file.
